This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
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