he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
