I just made out with a guy for $7.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
