I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just had sex on a roof
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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