i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
