She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
