Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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