I'm pants shitting drunk right now
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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