After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
