Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
