Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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