That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I have post one night stand depression
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
