I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
