I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
