what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
