I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
