Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
