The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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