Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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