I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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