I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I looked at my own cervix.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
