She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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