Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
