I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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