my soul wont recognize me after tonight
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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