I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Liz is crying about burritos again.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
