I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
