he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
