I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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