Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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