I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
