Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize
