that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
