Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
