i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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