i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
