There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
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