I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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