his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
