I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
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