I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
