Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
