I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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