like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
