If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
