ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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