Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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