sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Text me some of your sweat
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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