everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
