Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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