Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
